10 things my French teacher never taught me

(or, why I now regret my teenage arrogance in thinking the rest of the world spoke English)

In the supermarket:
I am unable to locate matches, can you assist me? I am told 'Unalor' brand are particularly reliable.

Will this cheap bleach clean my vegetables as effectively as 'Ajax'?

Thank you for helping me to the car with my heavy groceries. Here is a 100-franc (10p) tip.

In the market:
Are you sure those 4 live chickens you have so excellently trussed together will fit in a carrier-bag?

Thank you for offering to carry my groceries around all these stalls. Here is a 100-franc (10p) tip.

General conversation:
I see many police and army on the streets and no traffic. Is the President due to come through town?

I'm looking for a shop that sells an English-language newspaper, preferably the London Telegraph's weekly edition. Do you know where one is?

I'm hoping to find an English-language radio station, preferably the BBC. Can you tell me if one broadcasts here?
(n.b. the BBC World Service does broadcast in Yaoundé, on 98.4FM, with mixed English/French programming)

In the pharmacy:
Can you prescribe some cream for my foot? I appear to have an infection caused by an insect bite, or maybe it is athlete's foot!

When asked by a police officer who is inspecting your official papers, why you are in Cameroon:
I am working with SIL, an international linguistics organisation here by invite of the national government. They are working to develop written communication in over 200 unwritten languages in the country. They work closely with the Cameroon Association for Bible Translation and Literacy.